So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
