After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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