I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
