I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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