well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize