i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
