part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
