my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
