some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
