i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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