I CAN MOONWALK!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
