considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
