lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
