Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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