...so i touched it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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