That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
