you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
