Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
