Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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