I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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