no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just high enough for therapy.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
