i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
