Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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