We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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