You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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