The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
