tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
