I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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