My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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