hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
