He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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