Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize