Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
