You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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