He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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