I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize