There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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