The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
