I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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