I just made out with a guy for $7.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
