How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
