The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Randomize
