so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
