my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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