i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
