he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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