They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He called his prostate his "boner button".
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
