You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
