I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
