I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
