GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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