omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
