You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
