I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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