woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
