Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
