i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
