my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
