That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
