yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
her vagine was all disorganized.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
