I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize