I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
