This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
