I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize