Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
