I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
