im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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