Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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