there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The air was thick with penises
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
