She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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