Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize