Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
