i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
