if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
