Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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