I'm so fucking centered right now
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
