He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
