At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
