Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
