Me too!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
