I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
