The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
