i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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