i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
