last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
