Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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