HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He? As in you personified your dick?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
