Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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