He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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