Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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