strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
