the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
