So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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