my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
