Can i not drive my cunt home
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
