I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
