She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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