I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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