Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
