this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He better not be in your backpack
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
