It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
