You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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