After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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