just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
